Piper (The Piper) – Movie Review

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TL;DR – While Piper has a solid premise, it does not have the narrative to hold you for the runtime.

Rating: 2.5 out of 5.

Post-Credit Scene – There is no post-credit scene.

Disclosure – I was sent a screener of this film.

Warning – Contains scenes that may cause distress.

The Piper on a roof top.

Piper Review –

Today we are looking at an interesting film, in that I think we have something with an interesting premise, is conceptionally quite sound, yet ended up feeling more lacklustre than anything else. It is an odd disconnect that I hope to explore.

So, to set the scene, Liz (Elizabeth Hurley) and her daughter Amy (Mia Jenkins) have moved across the world to a small town in Germany. The town is so quiet and charming that they didn’t need their local prison so they turned it into a school where Liz will now work. Just don’t ask about the wi-fi. But beyond the charm, this is a city with a dark secret, but secrets are everywhere, and these secrets could kill.

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Gladiator II – Movie Review

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TL;DR – It has a strong cast, all the bombast you need, and a solid narrative. It is just frustrating that it has these creative choices throughout that just rip you out of the film.  

Rating: 3.5 out of 5.

Post-Credit Scene – There is no post-credit scene.

Disclosure – I was invited to a press screening of this film

The Battle of Numidia.

Gladiator II Review –

Well, 2024 has been the year of the legacy sequel, with Alien: Romulus, Beverly Hills Cop: Axel F,  Beetlejuice Beetlejuice, and Twisters all trying their hands on it to a mixed success. The next cab off the rank might have the most significant legacy of them all, or at least the most attempts in the past to make a sequel because there have been many. But it has been 24 years since our last outing of Gladiator, and we have to ask, was this the film we needed, or should it have stayed contained in the past?

So, to set the scene, it has been 20 years since the death of Marcus Aurelius, and Maximus Decimus Meridius’s slaying of Commodus did not bring about the grand return of the Republic. Instead, it drove it deeper into tyranny. Rome is now ruled by the Twin Emperors Geta (Joseph Quinn) and Caracalla (Fred Hechinger), who care more for blood and entertainment than the people’s health and happiness. Looking to secure their reign, they lashed out at any place defying the Empire using their dutiful general Marcus Acacius (Pedro Pascal). The last free city on the Mediterranean was in Numidia, where a young man (Paul Mescal) and his wife, Arishat (Yuval Gonen), live. It is a pitched battle, but the Romans win, and the young man who is versed in Roman poetry is carted off to die in the games after watching his wife fall to an arrow. But he stubbornly refuses to die in the arena, which brings the attention of Macrinus (Denzel Washington), who has the want to change his position, and now he has the means.

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Gladiator (2000) Review – Exploring the Past

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TL;DR –. When the bombast hits, you still feel what made it a special film all those years ago.  

Rating: 3.5 out of 5.

Post-Credit Scene – There is no post-credit scene.

Disclosure – I paid for the Paramount+ service that viewed this film.

A hand in the wheat fields.

Gladiator Review –

In this day and age, companies are trying to find a way to get people back into the cinemas, and the current plan has a lot to do with bringing back classic films with sequels decades later. That means this week we get a new Gladiator film, which I am honestly looking forward to. But as I was sitting there, I realised it had been a decade since I had watched the first film, and that is something that I had to fix, and there is no better time than the present.

So, to set the scene, it is at the height of the Roman Empire, and the Romans controlled everything from Britain to the Deserts of Africa and Arabia. In the north, Emperor Marcus Aurelius (Richard Harris) was fighting a campaign against the tribes of Germania, led by his one trusted general, Maximus Decimus Meridius (Russell Crowe). But when Commodus (Joaquin Phoenix), the son of the emperor, discovers that his father wants to restore the Republic, he kills him. He has Maximus arrested when he won’t declare loyalty to the new emperor. Maximus escapes, but before he can get home, his family is murdered, and slave traders capture him. Now, he has but one choice: die in the arena or win and get revenge for his fallen.

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Citadel: Diana Season 1 – TV Review

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TL;DR – This was a substantial improvement on Citadel’s first outing, and while it might still be struggling to find its feet, it is heading in the right direction.

Rating: 3.5 out of 5.

Disclosure – I paid for the Amazon Prime service that viewed this series.

The ruined Milan Cathedral.

Citadel: Diana Review –

I was intrigued when the first announcement of this new sort of spyverse based around duelling Citadel/Manticore organisations with companies across the world creating their own shows in the greater lore. Well, it was a fascinating concept, and I love me a good spy show. Unfortunately, the first primary season was … a bit of a mixed bag, not helped by significant production issues behind the scenes. Today, we move to Italy to see the first major spin-off and see if this concept can truly be a global work.

So, to set the scene, we open with a young lady, Diana Cavalieri (Matilda De Angelis), killing someone before turning the gun on themselves to provide a wound in the arm. It is 2030 in Milano, and it has seen better days, with citizens feeling like a police state is being created one block at a time and the ruins of the Duomo being a constant reminder to all. Diana works at Manticore Italia Quatier Generale, the powerful criminal syndicate that has grown unchecked since they defeated the Citadel spy agency. But when your criminal syndicate is being run by many powerful families, friction and mistrust will naturally occur. We will be looking at the season as a whole from here, so there will be some [SPOILERS] ahead. 

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Red One – Movie Review

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TL;DR – If it was not for a strong start, you probably could have dumped this on Netflix, and no one would have noticed.

Rating: 2.5 out of 5.

Post-Credit Scene – There is no post-credit scene.

Disclosure – I paid to watch this film.

Santa Clause lifting weights.

Red One Review –

It is that time of year, and it is beginning to look a lot like Christmas. The shops are dressed up, there is the looming pressure to finish things up before the end of the year, and walking outside feels like taking a shower with this humidity. It is here that a new flood of Christmas Films will be launched, trying to make the most of the holidays, and that is what we are looking at today.

So, to set the scene, it is a cold Philly night just before Christmas, and at the mall sits Santa Claus (J. K. Simmons), listening to all the kid’s wishes for presents and being protected by Callum Drift (Dwayne Johnson). But this ain’t no average mall Santa because Santa Claus is real, and there is a global military/political/intelligence apparatus keeping him safe. Well, that is until Jack O’Malley (Chris Evans) is paid to hunt down a disturbance in the polar region, and some kidnaps Santa right under the head of North Pole security’s nose on Christmas Eve.

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Star Trek: Lower Decks: A Farewell to Farms – TV Review

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TL;DR – Crack out the Bat’leths and open the good Bloodwine casks because it is time to visit Qo’noS

Rating: 4 out of 5.

Disclosure – I paid for the Paramount+ streaming service that viewed this episode. 

Lower Decks Title Card looking over a Qo-noS sunset..

Star Trek: Lower Decks Review –

When you have been watching shows for quite a while, you pick up telltale signs that something big is about to happen. One of those is the lack of a Title Sequence. Wait, the cast names not on the backdrop of a coming calamity of Borg, Tholians, Klingons, Romulans, Pakleds, oh and is that V’ger? But instead, it was on a warm sunset in Qo’noS. Well, you know something big is about to happen.

So, to set the scene, we are on Qo’noS, and Captain Ma’ah (Jon Curry) has been sequestered/banished to labouring work on the family farm. He is making Bloodwine (from worms, most likely Gagh) and raising Targ. He stubbornly avoids the comm call with a Federation signature. But if Mariner (Tawny Newsome) is one thing, it is persistent. He is stuck because the one who stripped him of his captainship is now the one who decides if he can get it back. Although Boimler (Jack Quaid) does know a lot about Klingon Bureaucratic minutia, and the Ritual of J’ethurgh is right there. We will be looking at the episode as a whole from here, so there will be some [SPOILERS] ahead. 

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Venom: The Last Dance – Movie Review

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TL;DR – The Venom films have always had a tension between wanting to be fun character works and needing to fit into this weird franchise they are building. This is the first time that I think the franchise won.

Rating: 2.5 out of 5.

Post-Credit Scene – There is a mid and post-credit scene.

Disclosure – I paid to watch this film

Venom.

Venom: The Last Dance Review –

I know when people think about film franchises, the ‘Sony Spider-Man Universe’ that can’t use Spider-Man is kind of a joke. They have not really helped themselves anyway with entries like Morbius and Madame Web. However, I have always had a bit of a soft spot for the Venom films Venom & Venom: Let There Be Carnage. If for no other reason than it was fun to watch Tom Hardy play off himself in the two roles. But I think we might be at the end of that road today.

So, to set the scene, Eddie Brock / Venom (Tom Hardy) is currently hiding out in Mexico after getting blamed for the deaths in the last film. They make a plan to sneak back into America and head to New York, where Eddie knows a judge that they can bribe to make this all go away. However, while they make their plans, little do they know that out in the universe, Knull (Andy Serkis) is posturing from his jail cell and may have found the way out of his eternal damnation. Oh, and the military wants them too.

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The Penguin: Top Hat – TV Review

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TL;DR – While this is an episode of big action beats, I was more interested in the small conversations that spoke loudly.

Rating: 4.5 out of 5.

Disclosure – I paid for the Binge service that viewed this series.

Oz returns home.

The Penguin Review –

Goodness, we are already at the penultimate episode of this series, which is astounding. This season has flown by, but it never felt rushed because it was always captivating. However, as main cast members start dropping like flies, can it keep what is unique about the show all the way to the end?

So, to set the scene, at the end of the last episode, things were starting to look precarious as Sofia Gigante (Cristin Milioti) walks into the house where Oz (Colin Farrell) is trying to keep his mother Francis (Deirdre O’Connell) safe. Vic (Rhenzy Feliz) doesn’t even see it coming, but Sofia does not kill the pair. Only take Francis hostage because she is the best bargaining chip, the only person in all of Gotham City Oz might actually care about. Now, from here, we will be looking at the episode as a whole, so there will be some [SPOILERS] ahead.

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Agatha All Along: Maiden Mother Crone & Full Season – TV Review

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TL;DR –  The season finale trades in the bombast for the emotions as it resonates with its story and pushes forward for the future.

Rating: 4 out of 5.

Disclosure – I paid for the Disney+ service that viewed this film.

Death Approaching.

Agatha All Along Review –

Well, Death makes it clear that all good things must come to an end, so it is time for us to dive into the final episode of the season for Agatha All Along. After that, we will take some time to explore how the season went as a whole and some of the wild choices that they made that I am still thinking about now.

So, to set the scene, at the end of Follow Me My Freind / To Glory at the End, we were left reeling when Billy (Joe Locke) escaped the clutches of Death (Aubrey Plaza) because Agatha (Kathryn Hahn) gave herself up in his place. It is a perfectly selfless act that is also profoundly unlike the witch. However, as Billy arrives home, he starts thinking about things and realises he is the one who made the Road come to life, which is when he hears a cackle in the distance. We then jump back in time to 1750 with a heavily pregnant Agatha in the woods about to give birth, when in the distance, a certain green witch arrives. Now, from here, we will be looking at the episode and season as a whole, so there will be some [SPOILERS] ahead.    

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Agatha All Along: Follow Me My Friend / To Glory at the End – TV Review

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TL;DR – Our penultimate episode takes some big swings, and I think it nails them all.  

Rating: 4 out of 5.

Disclosure – I paid for the Disney+ service that viewed this film.

Death approaches.

Agatha All Along Review –

We are fast running to the end of this. Well, if the viewing numbers are any guide, it will probably be the first season. However, we have been luxuriating on the road, but time is running out, and it is still an open question if this series can tie up all the many loose ends before those credits roll.

So, to set the scene, we open with Death (Aubrey Plaza) overlooking a sleeping Alice (Ali Ahn), but she is not there to wake her but to take her to the other side. Meanwhile, while Jen (Sasheer Zamata) and Billy (Joe Locke) lament over Lilia’s sacrifice, Death finds Agatha (Kathryn Hahn) alone and gives her a bargain, but only if Teen dies. But before they can process their loss, they come to the final trial and discover that the road is not a path but a circle. Now, from here, we will be looking at the episode as a whole, so there will be some [SPOILERS] ahead.    

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