Abigail – Movie Review

TL;DR – A bloody joy when it is working and a bit of a slog when it is not.

Rating: 3 out of 5.

Post-Credit Scene – There is no post-credit scene.

Disclosure – I was invited to a press screening of this film

Abigail reveals herself.

Abigail Review

Have you ever heard a film premise and immediately thought, “I need to see that”? Well, that is what happened to me when I first heard about Abigail. A group of thugs think they are kidnapping a little girl, but they actually take a monster. I mean, there are whole fairy tales based around concepts just like this and how they turn out. Add in the team behind Ready or Not, and you will have me sold.

So to set the scene, one evening, a group of professionals start casing out a house, waiting to capture the person within. Frank (Dan Stevens) is the boss, Joey (Melissa Barrera) is client control, Sammy (Kathryn Newton) is their hacker, Rickles (William Catlett) is the sniper, Peter (Kevin Durand) is their muscle, and Dean (Angus Cloud) is their car man. But the person they are kidnapping is a little girl, Abigail (Alisha Weir), who just got back from ballet practice. People are not okay with kidnapping a kid, but $7 million is $7 million. However, when they arrive at the creepy house run by Lambert (Giancarlo Esposito) and must hold the child for 24 hours, it would be a shame if there was also a monster stuck in there with them.

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Challengers – Movie Review

TL;DR – Wild, sensual, and captivating. While not all of it works, when it is on fire, it is electric.

Rating: 4.5 out of 5.

Post-Credit Scene – There is no post-credit scene.

Disclosure – I was invited to a press screening of this film.

Tashi Duncan (Zendaya) watches the tennis match behind sunglasses.

Challengers Review

Some films can captivate you just by hearing the name of a director and an idea. Luca Guadagnino’s previous works, like Call Me by Your Name and Bones and All, were not perfect, but they were immensely captivating, sucking you into their worlds. Well, I was interested in seeing where he would go from there when exploring the world of tennis.

So to set the scene, we open in the middle of the 2019 New Rochelle Champions Tournament as Patrick Zweig (Josh O’Connor) and Art Donaldson (Mike Faist) are facing it out in the finals. A dual for the ages. However, both sets of eyes are not focusing on each other but on someone in the audience, Tashi Duncan (Zendaya). There is a palpable tension the court that can only exist between people with a deep history, which is when we cut back thirteen years.     

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The Stolen Valley (Alta Valley) – Movie Review

TL;DR – While it starts strong, it unfortunately runs out of gas after the first act as the storyline becomes convoluted.

Rating: 2.5 out of 5.

Post-Credit Scene – There is no post-credit scene.

Disclosure – I was sent a screener of this film

The Utah Countryside.

The Stolen Valley Review

Today, we are looking at a film that is wearing its influences on its sleeves. That is not a bad thing. In fact, just last week, we watched Monkey Man do just that, and it was grand. But there is danger in this approach because if people are constantly thinking about other movies and not your own work, well, something has gone badly wrong. Today, we look at where The Stolen Valley lands on this spectrum. 

So to set the scene, Lupe (Briza Covarrubias) struggles to find her place in the world. Trying to connect with her mother, Lizette (Paulette Lamori), learn her native language, Diné, or just get ahead in a world where everyone is taking from her. But when her mother becomes sick, and there are only experimental and expensive options left, Lupe is forced to find her father, who she thought was dead. But a run-in with Maddy (Allee Sutton Hethcoat) after she just crossed local crime lord Antonio (Ricardo Herranz) leads to a dangerous gun-filled chase.

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Monkey Man – Movie Review

TL;DR – An explosive and raw revenge film that leaves nothing in the tank as it explodes in a riot of action.

Rating: 4 out of 5.

Disclosure – I paid to watch this film

Warning – Contains scenes that may cause distress.

Kid dressed in a monkey mask.

Monkey Man Review

When it comes to the Revenge genre, they can be a bit hit-and-miss. You have to get the audience to sympathise with your protagonist because if they don’t, well then all that violence starts looking bad. The best example of this in the modern era, John Wick, a film which gets name-checked here, and is an excellent example of doing this right. Well, today, we might be able to add a new entry to that list.

So to set the scene, we open with a mother telling her son about the legend of Hanuman. But in the present, that boy does not have a name. He is Kid/Bobby/Monkey Man (Dev Patel) who spends a lot of time throwing cage matches for Tiger (Sharlto Copley) wearing a monkey mask. It is a brutal occupation, but it gets Kid the money to enact his plan, starting with getting into the ground floor of Queenie’s (Ashwini Kalsekar) very illegal but very popular entertainment business. Because Kid has a mission, and that is to bring pain to the people who cause his family harm.

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Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire – Movie Review

TL;DR – While this is more of a Kong film, I love that they leaned into the camp, but some hollow aspects held it back.

Rating: 3 out of 5.

Post-Credit Scene – There is no post-credit scene.

Disclosure – I was invited to a press screening of this film

Kong finds a realm under Hollow Earth.

Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire Review

One of my joys in recent years has been the big Kaiju punch-em-up that has been the Monsterverse. There is just a lot of fun seeing two giant creatures rumble their way through a city. But now that we got the big team-up film last time, the question then becomes: where do they go from there? Well, that is the question we will look at today.

So to set the scene, at the end of Godzilla v Kong, Godzilla becomes the alpha of the surface world, and Kong becomes the alpha of Hollow Earth. A sort of detente that exists only if nether of the two strays into each other’s territory. But when Kong heads up to get some dental surgery, and Godzilla starts ripping out nuclear reactors in Europe, it feels like something is coming their way. This is then when we ask the question: Is Hollow Earth as far down as you could go?

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Desperation Road – Movie Review

TL;DR – An exploration of the enduring legacy of trauma and the damage it can leave if you can get past one particular plot point.

Rating: 3 out of 5.

Post-Credit Scene – There is no post-credit scene.

Disclosure – I was sent a screener of this film.

Warning – Contains scenes that may cause distress.

Warning – Contains scenes including flashing lights.

Maben runs with her daughter.

Desperation Road Review

Today, we come into a film with more than a bit of trepidation. On the one hand, we have Garrett Hedlund, whose work I have generally enjoyed and whose Tron Legacy lives rent-free in my brain. However, then we have Mel Gibson, who was once a force of nature, but when I last saw him in The Continental, he was an anchor that held the entire production back, though to be fair, that was not the show’s only issue. How is this dichotomy going to work? Well, it turns out the answer was Willa Fitzgerald.    

So, to set the scene, Maben (Willa Fitzgerald) and her daughter Analee (Pyper Braun) hit hard times as they made their way on foot to Mississippi. But when a police officer sexually assaults Maben, and then she shoots him in self-defence. This is bad, really bad. Meanwhile, Russell (Garrett Hedlund) is just getting off a bus from jail when he gets a beat down, with a promise that his debt is not paid. After a chat and a gun pick from his father Mitchell (Mel Gibson), he heads home to find a recently renovated house, now with no windows and glass everywhere. These two worlds are about to collide explosively because there are few secrets in a small town.    

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Kung Fu Panda 4 – Movie Review

TL;DR – While it is always lovely to see Jack Black back in this role, unfortunately, the outing, while still fun, did not have the energy of the previous entries.

Rating: 3 out of 5.

Post-Credit Scene – There is no post-credit scene.

Disclosure – I was invited to a press screening of this film.

Po sitting under a flowering peach tree trying to meditate.

Kung Fu Panda 4 Review

One of the joys you get is when you have a solid franchise that hits on every entry. A company that does that generally quite well is DreamWorks. Sure, not everything is a Shrek, and occasionally you get a Shrek 4, but they are always entertaining and occasionally you get a How to Train Your Dragon. In that space were the Kung Fu Panda films, which I thoroughly enjoyed, so I was excited to see we were getting a new one, if only for Jack Black’s energy alone.   

So to set the scene, it has been some time since Po (Jack Black) took on the full mantle of Grand Master at the end of Kung Fu Panda 3, and he is now defending the Valley of Peace by himself as The Furious Five leave to follow personal missions. It is in this space that Master Shifu (Dustin Hoffman) informs Po that he must choose his new successor as Dragon Warrior. Po does not want to give up the mantle that he has worked so hard for and become the spiritual leader of the valley. However, when word gets to him that Tai Lung (Ian McShane) has returned and is causing havoc, Po knows an adventure when he hears it. Thankfully, Po has a new guide in Zhen (Awkwafina) to help him tackle the real threat, the sorceress Chameleon (Viola Davis).

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Damsel – Movie Review

TL;DR – While a bit messy in places, strong casting and a solid central premise combine to make a fascinating film at times.

Rating: 3.5 out of 5.

Post-Credit Scene – There is no post-credit scene.

Disclosure – I paid for the Netflix service that viewed this film.

Shadows encroach over the kingdom.

Damsel Review

I have always loved a good schlocky fantasy film. One that knows its premise and its voice and excels from there. It is in this space that we get gems like The Mummy and Dungeons and Dragons. Today, we are looking at a film that is trying to capture that kind of energy and see if they can pull it off.   

So to set the scene, we open in as a platoon of knights crawl into a dragon’s (Shohreh Aghdashloo) lair, hoping to slay the beast before ending in a conflagration of flames. Centuries later, in a faraway land on the verge of ruin lives Elodie (Millie Bobby Brown), a princess. It is at this dark moment when an envoy from the Kingdom of Aurea arrives looking for Elodie’s hand in marriage for their prince. This marriage would give Elodie’s kingdom enough resources to make it to the thaw. As the family arrives at Aurea, its wealth greets them, and also a sense that not everything is as it seems, for the mountains behind the kingdom cast long shadows.

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Dune: Part Two – Movie Review

TL;DR – Even with such a weight of expectation that I had for it, Dune: Part 2 still stuck the landing with a gusto I was not expecting.

Rating: 4.5 out of 5.

Post-Credit Scene – There is no post-credit scene.

Disclosure – I was invited to a screening of this film.

Paul stands in front of an explosion.

Dune: Part Two Review

I need to be clear when coming into this that this might have been the most excited I have been to see a film since maybe The Lord of the Rings. I adore this universe (okay, only the first three books, don’t @ me), and to see the First Film not only get the universe they were adapting but also have the budget to show it off. Well, there is a reason it was my favourite film of 2021. However, that is a lot of expectation, and in my experience, that can be a recipe for disaster.

So to set the scene, the plan of Baron Vladimir Harkonnen (Stellan Skarsgård) has succeeded. With the help of  Padishah Emperor Shaddam IV (Christopher Walken), Arrakis/Dune is his, the Atreides are dead, the millennia-long feud is over, and Feyd-Rautha Harkonnen (Austin Butler) is getting ready to take over from his incompetent brother Glossu Rabban Harkonnen (Dave Bautista). There is only one problem: not all the Atreides are dead, for Paul (Timothée Chalamet) and Lady Jessica (Rebecca Ferguson) made it through the desert to the Fremen people and are now in the hands of Stilgar (Javier Bardem) and Chani (Zendaya). It was safety brought with a blood price, which is increasing as the Harkonnen troops send patrols deeper into the desert. For Paul, his new place with the Fremen could be a way to find revenge for the destruction of his family, but is he ready for leadership to be thrust upon him? For once the Fremen are unleashed, can they be stopped?

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Madame Web – Movie Review

TL;DR – It is a film that shows that you can have a great cast and an exciting scenario, but that will still not lead to a coherent narrative that has an impact.

Rating: 2 out of 5.

Post-Credit Scene – There is no post-credit scene.

Disclosure – I paid to watch this film.

Everyone sees the Spider-Person attacking them for the first time.

Madame Web Review

Some of the best work that is happening in the superhero genre is coming out of Sony’s Spider-Man adjacent Marvel Universe. Unfortunately, that strength is found almost entirely in its animated division, and maybe Venom, if I have had a drink or two. Unfortunately, last year’s Morbius showed us that it is also the source of some of the worst films happening in this space. While we don’t reach those depths this week, we do get a movie that was screaming with potential but ended up being wholly lacklustre.

So to set the scene, in 1973, deep in the forests of Peru, a heavily pregnant Constance Webb (Kerry Bishé) and her security partner Ezekiel Sims (Tahar Rahim) are looking for a spider whose venom is meant to have potent healing properties. Constance finds the spider but is betrayed by Webb and left for dead. A local tribe rescues her, but they can only save the life of her newborn. In the present of 2003, Cassandra ‘Cassie’ Webb (Dakota Johnson) is now a paramedic, but when a near-death experience rocks her world, there might be more than just some trauma unlocked.

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