Alien: Romulus – Movie Review

TL;DR – Beware of Weyland-Yutani Corp representatives bearing gifts.  

Rating: 4.5 out of 5.

Post-Credit Scene – There is no post-credit scene.

Disclosure – I paid to see this film

Jackob's Star Planet.

Alien: Romulus Review

I have always had an interesting relationship with the Alien films. When I was a kid, a snippet of people crawling through an air vent and a life sign catching up with them scared the life out of me. It goes without saying that Aliens have the legacy it has for a reason. However, recent entries have always pulled me in different directions. For example, Alien: Covenant was a stunningly beautiful film filled with people acting like they had no sense. However, there is a core of these films that can work, and that was what I was looking for today.

So, to set the scene, life is hard in Jackson’s Star Mining Colony, 60-odd light years from Earth. While the mines are rich, the storms constantly rain, the clouds block out the sun, and the mine continually kills people through collapse or disease. Rain Carradine (Cailee Spaeny) has worked hard to get her quota done so she and her brother Andy (David Jonsson) can get off and go live in an independent farming colony when they discover that The Company has doubled their quota. They must stay for six more years. Rain is distraught, but her old friend Tyler (Archie Renaux) may have found an out. He and his crew, Kay (Isabela Merced), Bjorn (Spike Fearn), and Navarro (Aileen Wu), have discovered an old ship left in orbit that has an intact hypersleep chamber. If they can steal it, they could get off-planet. The only problem is why the ship is abandoned.

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Beneath Us All – Movie Review

TL;DR – While there was a lot of promise with this scenario, you can tell that there were factors like the budget that held it back.

Rating: 2.5 out of 5.

Post-Credit Scene – There is no post-credit scene.

Disclosure – I was sent a screener of this film

Warning – Contains scenes that may cause distress.

Left overs from a mauling.

Beneath Us All Review

Today, we dive back into the world of Vampires, a world of shadows and screams. I have quite liked vampire films in the past because they are this blend of bloody action with profound lore. There are many versions of vampires, and I am interested to see where we will land in today’s film.

So, to set the scene, it is Scandinavia back in 912 AD when a child is ripped apart by a monster that appeared from the woods. The Monster (Yan Birch) was captured, but they could not kill him, so he was buried in a coffin, taken across the seas and then dumped in Vinland. In the modern day, Vinland is now North America and is full of rural Americans. Some of them are Todd (Sean Whalen) and Janelle Gibbs (Maria Olsen), who foster several kids and are not the nicest people in the world. But one day, their foster daughter Julie (Angelina Danielle Cama) is walking in the woods when a perceived noise impacts her head after she touches an amulet, which leads her to something buried in the ground.    

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Borderlands – Movie Review

TL;DR – While I will give it points for getting some of the visual style right, and something must have gotten that cast to sign up. But the final product was a soulless mess of nothingness.

Rating: 2 out of 5.

Post-Credit Scene – There is a mid-credit scene that you don’t need to stay for.

Warning – There is strobing effects.

Disclosure – I paid to watch this film.

Space Station around Pandora.

Borderlands Review

For a long time, there has been a question about whether you can write an engaging video game adaptation? They have been hit and miss, and many were just made for tax write-offs [allegedly]. However, in recent years, we have found that you can make that translation on both TV and in the cinema, which makes it even more frustrating that we take a return to the past with today’s entry.  

So, to set the scene, we open around the planet of Pandora, where a secret vault containing alien information has drawn vault hunters for generations, leaving the planet trashed and strewn with violent gangs. One man who is after that power is Atlas (Edgar Ramírez), which makes it concerning when one of his own soldiers, Roland (Kevin Hart), kidnaps his daughter Tina (Ariana Greenblatt) and takes her into the quagmire. It has been months, and no one has been able to find her, which is when he goes to Lilith (Cate Blanchett), the one bounty hunter that can take on the planet because she used to live there.

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Walden (The Stenographer) – Movie Review

TL;DR – While the premise is novel, the final product left me more frustrated than anything else.

Rating: 2 out of 5.

Post-Credit Scene – There is no post-credit scene.

Disclosure – I was sent a screener of this film.

Warning – Contains scenes that may cause distress.

The Alexandra Court House.

Walden Review

When you make a film, you have the whole world to play in, and more really. However, when you touch on real-world issues, do you have an obligation actually to engage with them in a meaningful way? Today, we look at a movie working in that space to see.  

So, to set the scene, in the small town of Alexandria near the City of Atlanta, there is a court stenographer called Walden (Emile Hirsch). It is a job that he is good at, but it does mean that he sees the worst of humanity every day. When a particularly monstrous person tries to kill the judge in front of everyone, well, that changes someone, even worse when you discover you have a brain tumour. However, knowing you are going to die does have a clarifying factor on one’s life and goals. Suddenly helpless, Walden might not be so helpless anymore.    

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The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare – Movie Review

TL;DR – Big personalities and a lot of action, but not a lot more than that.

Rating: 3 out of 5.

Post-Credit Scene – There is no post-credit scene.

Disclosure – I paid for the Amazon Prime service that viewed this film.

Anders Lassen looks through a porthole covered in blood.

The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare Review

If there is one film that people have asked me for, it is what happened to The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare? It looked like it was everywhere, and then it disappeared, but that cast and director should have cut through. Well, today, we have a chance to answer that question and give it a look as it finally got a release here in Australia.   

So, to set the scene, it is the height of WW2, and things are not going well for the Allies. In the middle of the Atlantic, patrolled by German U-Boats, a sailboat is being inspected by Nazis. The Nazi Commander does not like the laughing Swedes, even less when those Swedes mow down all his men. It is here that we discover just what is going on. The UK is the last significant power in Europe, not occupied by Axis Powers, and they are being cut off from the air and sea. Hitler is not playing by the rules, storing the rearming operations for the U-Boats in neutral territory. Well, then, it is time for the UK to retaliate with a group of soldiers who do not play by the rules. Led by Gus March-Phillipps (Henry Cavill), Operation Postmaster, all they have to do is sink an Italian Ship in neutral territory before the Nazis move it. To do this, they need a team: Henry Hayes (Hero Fiennes Tiffin), the navigator; Freddy Alvarez (Henry Golding), the explosives expert; Anders Lassen (Alan Ritchson), who is good with wet work, and Geoffrey Appleyard (Alex Pettyfer) intelligence. With Heron (Babs Olusanmokun) and Marjorie Stewart (Eiza González) embedded on the island of Fernando Po, it should all go fine … right …?   

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Deadpool & Wolverine – Movie Review

TL;DR – While it languishes in parts, the camaraderie and love for what they are doing is off the charts, and you feel that love in every part of the film.

Rating: 4 out of 5.

Post-Credit Scene – There is a mid and post-credit scene.

Disclosure – I was invited to a press screening of this film.

Lady Deadpool.

Deadpool & Wolverine Review

Well, here we are, with a movie that is either the MCU’s latest desperate attempt to try and get either the multiverse or the mutants to work. Or a fun fourth-wall-breaking meta romp bro road trip through the Fox X-Men years via someone who liked that one bit in Loki season 1. Yet, somehow it is both of these things, and in the process, might be better than the sum of its parts.

So, to set the scene, after we deal with the ethical quandaries laid bare by the existence of Logan, we find that things have not gone well for Wade Wilson/Deadpool (Ryan Reynolds) since we last saw him in Deadpool 2. While his friends always surround him, and he has made it along the way, no one in power trusts him, and rejection after rejection leads to him shutting himself off from people, especially on this birthday. But when henchmen from the TVA arrive to take Deadpool to see Mr Paradox (Matthew Macfadyen), he finds out that this timeline is dying, and the only way to save it might be to find himself a new Wolverine (Hugh Jackman).

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The Delicate Cycle – Movie Review

TL;DR – It makes the most of its one location to explore the emotions of significant life changes.     

Rating: 3.5 out of 5.

Post-Credit Scene – There is no post-credit scene.

Disclosure – I was sent a screener of this film.

A washing machine about to start.

The Delicate Cycle Review

While a short film can be constraining, those limitations can be turned into strengths. You can concentrate things down into their core forms. For example, that transient information that gets passed down from generation to generation. Today, we are looking at a film that is working in that space.  

So, to set the scene, it is just a typical day for Lance (Fred Mancuso) as he gets into the laundromat as early as possible to get his clothes done. Usually, there is no one there, bar maybe Anita (Yassmin Flores), but today there was someone new, a young kid called Adam (Dean Norris Jr.) who is in the process of trying to win at Ms Pacman but also struggling with his emotions.

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Arena Wars – Movie Review

TL;DR – This is an ambitious film, and while I don’t think it ever reached that ambition, it was fascinating to watch.

Rating: 3 out of 5.

Post-Credit Scene – There is a scene throughout the credits.

Disclosure – I was sent a screener of this film.

The Big F##king City

Arena Wars Review –

Today, we are looking at a difficult film to review because you get pulled in two different directions. On the one hand, as a critic, I need to review what is on the screen, but as a human being, you can also see the potential that could have been.

So, to set the film, it is 2045, and in The Big F##king City, there is only one way that convicted felons can get out: by appearing on Arena Wars, a TV show that everyone watches, well everyone used to watch. The convicts have to fight through seven different rooms with seven violent killers in them to be able to go free. The brand is on life support, and they need to win back the audience that is becoming bored of death. In the Rodimus Federal Prison in the Washington DC City State, Luke Bender (John Wells) is sitting with a 200-year sentence, covering for their superiors who stuffed up. But they need a hero for the arena, and Luke is in the wrong place at the wrong time.     

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Breakwater – Movie Review

TL;DR – There are a lot of elements here that work; the cast is fantastic, and the setting lands. It is just the narrative glue that is meant to hold all that together starts peeling off far too early in the film.

Rating: 2.5 out of 5.

Post-Credit Scene – There is no post-credit scene.

Disclosure – I was sent a screener of this film.

A boat slinks through the sound.

Breakwater Review

Today, we are looking at a film with two halves, a strong cast and setting, but then a narrative that misses the mark. Quite often, you will hear people say that a film really needs only one of the two. Well, today, we will see that feeling put to the test, and I am not sure it will hold up.  

So, to set the scene, it is Dovey’s (Darren Mann) last day at the St. Brides Correctional Facility and his mentor Ray Childress (Dermot Mulroney) gives him a mission. A storm washed an old ship mast up on the beach, and in the photo, Ray spotted his estranged daughter. As Dovey tries to reacclimatise to the world outside, he is haunted by what he had to do to survive. But Ray can’t wait for the year of parole to be up, so Dovey has to choose: not keep a promise or potentially go back to jail because he broke his parole conditions.

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Beverly Hills Cop: Axel F – Movie Review

TL;DR – This is a film that entirely knows what it wants to be and completely nails that delivery. How much you will like that will depend on how you gel with the premise.

Rating: 4 out of 5.

Post-Credit Scene – There is no post-credit scene.

Disclosure – I paid for the Netflix service that viewed this film.

Detroit Jacket.

Beverly Hills Cop: Axel F Review

Well, here is a blast of the past, and even in our reboot-obsessed culture, this feels like a deep cut. Well, that is, until you hear the music, and then you 100% understand why. However, it had been 30 years since the last entry, and that is a lot of ground to make up for. There is only so much that synth can do, but let us see if there is a story that can work, given the shifts in the police force since the last outing.

So, to set the scene, Axel Foley (Eddie Murphy) is still a cop who is completely fine with causing mass destruction to capture his crooks in Detroit. However, times have changed; a snowplough is indiscriminate in its chaos, and this is the last time Jeffrey Friedman (Paul Reiser) can cover for him. But when an old friend (Judge Reinhold) lets him know that his estranged daughter Jane’s (Taylour Paige) life has been threatened in Beverly Hills. Axel takes the first flight back to his old stomping grounds, and they discover that they might be more alike than they want. They both know Detective Sam Abbott (Joseph Gordon-Levitt), but Billy is missing, and it might be time to cause some mayhem in Beverly Hills.      

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