Eddington – Movie Review

TL;DR – While the cast is giving their all, the production quality is there. Unfortunately,  what we get is a film that is weird but not interesting, a satire that does not have the strength to interrogate the themes it is working in, and a third act that dulled me to the point I desperately wanted it to be over and done with.

Rating: 2 out of 5.

Post-Credit Scene – There is no post-credit scene.

Disclosure – I was invited to a press screening of this film.

Warning – This film contains scenes that may cause distress.

Joaquin Phoenix and Pedro Pascal stand off against each other.

Eddington Introduction

Today, we are looking at a film that could be best described as controversial. It is a black comedy, satirising the current political situation in the United States, which in itself would be a fascinating exploration. But add in the guiding hand of vanguard Indy director/writer Ari Aster, and you should have something intriguing. Unfortunately, for me, the word ‘should’ is the operative word in the last sentence.   
 
So, to set the scene, in the Colorado town of Eddington, people are struggling with the new lockdown laws as COVID-19 runs through the country. It is only May 2020, so we are fumbling around trying to see what would work. In this space, we have Joe Cross (Joaquin Phoenix), Eddington’s sheriff, who may have only got the job because he married Louise (Emma Stone), the daughter of the last sheriff. He struggles with many ailments and is struggling with the COVID-19 restrictions put in place by local mayor Ted Garcia (Pedro Pascal). After several confrontations, Cross decides to contest the current mayoral elections, which is where everything descends into chaos.

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Escape – Movie Review

TL;DR – While it dabbles in exploitation, the film never really comes together as a whole.

Rating: 2 out of 5.

Disclosure – I was sent a screener of this film.

Warning – Contains scenes that may cause distress.

A woman running towards a cabin in the desert.

Escape Review

So, to set the scene, we open with a woman running for her life in a desert as she is being chased by a truck. 24 hours earlier, while a bunch of women have arrived at a luxurious island hideaway for a holiday, at a workshop, a comically evil trafficker is setting out the rules to his henchmen. They need ten women captured to be shipped off by Friday. The women are having a blast, not knowing they are walking into danger.  

Well, there is a lot I can say about this film, but I want to highlight some of its strengths. They make the most of their shooting location on the Canary Islands, which helps the narrative or at least makes it more energetic. I also liked that, on the whole, the women were written as out of their depth but not entirely stupid. For example, realising that maybe having a wrench would be a good idea. However, I think they would have preferred being kidnapped and wearing more practical footwear.

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Unit 234 The Lock Up – Movie Review

TL;DR – It understands that when you cast Don Johnson, you give the man a monologue.

Rating: 3.5 out of 5.

Post-Credit Scene – There is no post-credit scene.

Disclosure – I was sent a screener of this film.

Warning – Contains scenes that may cause distress.

A truck pulls up to the storage lot at night.

Unit 234 The Lock Up Review

One of the more interesting shades of drama out there is the surprise trapped. You are going about your day, and then all of a sudden, bam, through the machinations of others or nature, now you are fighting for your life. These are films that live and die on the believability of the scenario and how the characters respond to them. It is in that space we dabble tonight.

So, to set the scene, Laurie Saltair (Isabelle Fuhrman) works, well, is more stuck working for her family’s old storage unit facility. It is a job she inherited, but it is not great for her work/life balance. But what she doesn’t know is that her self-storage unit is about to be at the centre of some regrettable circumstances: a mighty storm is about to hit the coast of Florida, she just crushed her mobile phone in a fall, and some idiot stashed the one thing the wealthy and powerful construction tycoon Jules (Don Johnson) needs in one of her units. What could be in there that he wants so much, and why is there a warning alarm going off?

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Darkgame – Movie Review

TL;DR – While there are some conceptually interesting ideas here, the fact that everyone is playing a one-dimensional character greatly limits its potential.

Rating: 2 out of 5.

Post-Credit Scene – There is no post-credit scene.

Disclosure – I was sent a screener of this film.

Warning – Contains scenes that may cause distress.

Prisoners around a table.

Darkgame Review

As the internet becomes all persuasive in our lives, we are becoming more and more accustomed to the negative possibilities that can exist. But whether real or imagined, one genre that has been populated on popular media is what would ancient Colosseum games look like in a modern era where anyone anywhere can watch on? Today’s review leans into that wholeheartedly as we delve into the world of the dark web.    

So, to set the scene, Detective Ben Jacobs (Ed Westwick) is a detective who is famous for finding two lost brothers who have been kidnapped. However, something new has come across his desk: a disturbing video feed from the dark web called Russian Roulette. A masked Presenter (Andrew P Stephen) is making contestants play games against each other. Only the loser meets a grizzly demise. Imagine Sam Reich with a murder kink and making a truckload of money from betting customers. One of those contestants was Fay (Sophie Rankin), who is one of the missing cases Ben was working on, so this is now personal. But when another person is kidnapped, Katia (Natalya Tsvetkova), only time will tell if they catch the perpetrators before more bodies drop.

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Fountain of Youth – Movie Review

TL;DR – Dull.

Rating: 2 out of 5.

Post-Credit Scene – There is no post-credit scene.

Disclosure – I paid for the AppleTV+ service that viewed this film.

The Austrian Library.

Fountain of Youth Review

There is a genre in the Action-Adventure that leans into hunting lost artefacts, which, of course, makes you think of Indiana Jones and National Treasure or more. I honestly love these films because they capture that childlike wonder when I was discovering the world and learning about history. So, when I heard that Guy Richie was going to take a stab at a film in this world with a fantastic cast, I was fundamentally excited to give it a watch. I probably should have reset my expectations.

So, to set the scene, we open in the streets of Bangkok as Luke Purdue (John Krasinski) needs to outmanoeuvre a local gang to escape with a painting. As he takes an emergency train ride to Chiang Mai and tries to get some rest, he is woken up by a business opportunity. Esme (Eiza González) gives Luke the ‘opportunity’ to go easily or difficultly. A fight/flirt on the train proceeds. Luke escapes and now has a mission in his life. He is going to need a team to pull it off: Murf (Laz Alonso), Deb (Carmen Ejogo), Owen Carver (Domhnall Gleeson), and his sister Charlotte (Natalie Portman), which he may or may not have just gotten into a lot of trouble with her boss, ex-husband, oh and also INTERPOL.    

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The Island (Haunted Heart/ Isla Perdida) – Movie Review

TL;DR – Some films are greater than the sum of their parts, and then we have today’s entry that has all the right ingredients, yet, like me, every time I try to make bread, nothing rises from it.

Rating: 1.5 out of 5.

Post-Credit Scene – There is an end-credit scene.

Disclosure – I was invited to a press screening of this film.

The Island

The Island Review

So, to set the scene, it is Greece in 2001, and people are making their way around the many Greek islands. One of those is Álex (Aida Folch), who is making her way to a secluded restaurant to be their new hostess. It is the kind of restaurant full of fresh flavours that you could feel were pulled right from the sea that surrounds you. But because she is late, the restaurant owner, Max (Matt Dillon), demotes her to server. It is her dream job, dream location, and the boss is quite fine, which is why she does not see all the warning signs everywhere.

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G20 – Movie Review

TL;DR – Much like the action films of the 1990s, which were a clear inspiration, G20 may hit just about every cliché in its runtime, yet it still gets to be a fun blast.

Rating: 3.5 out of 5.

Post-Credit Scene – There are mid-credit scenes.

Disclosure – I paid for the Amazon Prime service that viewed this film.

All the world leaders standing together for the group G20 photo.

G20 Review

My background is in International Relations, and one of the many facets it explores is the strength and use of international organisations. These tend to be contextually quite dull from a Hollywood story perspective, but every now and again, my two worlds collide. Sometimes, these are pretty fascinating choices, like in The Hitman’s Bodyguard, and other times, they can be a confusing mess, like with Rumours. However, today, we are upgrading from the G7 to the G20, and calamity is afoot.  

So, to set the scene, something is very wrong in Washington DC. It is so bad that they must wake Madam President Danielle Sutton (Viola Davis) in the middle of the night. Because her daughter Serena (Marsai Martin) found a new way to get around the Secret Service and escaped the White House to go to a party. Now on her first international trip, President Sutton is on the backfoot domestically and internationally as she arrives in Cape Town, South Africa, to sell the G20 on her plan for a digital currency for farmers. The hotel was meant to be a fortress, but a fortress only protects from external threats. One surgical strike later, and the security becomes terrorists, and now twenty world leaders are hostages.     

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The Bad Guys: Little Lies and Alibis – Movie Review

TL;DR – A delightful return of these fun characters that knows precisely how long you can lean into the shenanigans without outstaying their welcome.      

Rating: 4 out of 5.

Post-Credit Scene – There is no post-credit scene.

Disclosure – I was given a free ticket to see this film.

The gang in a line up.

The Bad Guys: Little Lies and Alibis Review

Back in 2022, there was this odd kid’s animated film that came out of nowhere and quietly captured my heart. The Bad Guys was such a fun blast of energy from start to finish, and who doesn’t like a good heist? I knew that the sequel was going to come out later in 2025, but talk about my surprise when I got a sneaky reunion a touch early before I watched Dog Man.

So, to set the scene, at the end of The Bad Guys, the titular bad guys discovered in themselves that even though they were going to prison, they were not, in fact, bad guys but good guys. Well, after serving their time, Mr Snake (Marc Maron), Mr Piranha (Anthony Ramos), Mr Shark (Craig Robinson), and Ms Tarantula (Awkwafina) are still required to visit a parole officer which they can’t miss. Which, of course, means that they are about to have a disaster of a day, which includes an unfortunate run-in with chicken nuggies.

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Dog Man – Movie Review

TL;DR – This is a profoundly silly premise. However, they commit to it with such gusto that you can’t help but be brought along with it.

Rating: 4 out of 5.

Post-Credit Scene – There is no post-credit scene.

Disclosure – I was given a free ticket to see this film.

Dog Man jumping in the air.

Dog Man Review

There are animation studios out there that are defined by the visual style that they use in their films. You can look at a Studio Ghibli or Pixar film and know it comes from one of those studios. This was once the case for DreamWorks Animation. However, in recent years, I have been fascinated by the different experiments that they are taking with their animation styles. Puss in Boots: The Last Wish, The Wild Robot, and The Bad Guys have all shown this in action. Today, we get to see the next entry in this experiment with Dog Man.   

So, to set the scene, Ohkay City is under threat from Petey (Pete Davidson), the world’s most evil cat. Chief (Lil Rel Howery) sends out the only team that can take Petey down, Officer Knight (Peter Hastings) and his Golden Retriever Greg (Peter Hastings). They may be a menace, but they are the only hope the city has, that is, until tragedy strikes. A bomb set by Petey explodes badly, injuring Knight and Greg. There is no hope until a nurse has a bright idea: why don’t we attach the good dog head and the good human body, and Dog Man (Peter Hastings) was born?     

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Locked – Movie Review

TL;DR – It was a good scenario, but it never felt like they had a good handle on what they wanted to talk about.

Rating: 2.5 out of 5.

Post-Credit Scene – There is no post-credit scene.

Disclosure – I paid to watch this film

A phone call appears on a car tablet.

Locked Review

Most films need a hook to get you into the cinemas and part with your hard-earned cash. For me, sometimes that hook is a premise so interesting that you must see how they play it out. Well, Anthony Hopkins traumatising a Skarsgård locked in his car is absolutely one I had to see.  

So, to set the scene, Eddie (Bill Skarsgård) is a crook who is trying to turn his life around for his daughter Sarah (Ashley Cartwright). But the universe is not making it easy for him, and as a deadline looms, he looks to more nefarious ways to make a quick buck. Well, if someone leaves their car unlocked, well they are asking someone to come in and rummage around, and so Eddie does. The only problem is that when he tries to get out, he finds that the car is locked, his mobile can’t get a signal, and suddenly the in-car phone is ringing.

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