Tag Archives: Film

Escape – Movie Review

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TL;DR – While it dabbles in exploitation, the film never really comes together as a whole.

Rating: 2 out of 5.

Disclosure – I was sent a screener of this film.

Warning – Contains scenes that may cause distress.

A woman running towards a cabin in the desert.

Escape Review –

So, to set the scene, we open with a woman running for her life in a desert as she is being chased by a truck. 24 hours earlier, while a bunch of women have arrived at a luxurious island hideaway for a holiday, at a workshop, a comically evil trafficker is setting out the rules to his henchmen. They need ten women captured to be shipped off by Friday. The women are having a blast, not knowing they are walking into danger.  

Well, there is a lot I can say about this film, but I want to highlight some of its strengths. They make the most of their shooting location on the Canary Islands, which helps the narrative or at least makes it more energetic. I also liked that, on the whole, the women were written as out of their depth but not entirely stupid. For example, realising that maybe having a wrench would be a good idea. However, I think they would have preferred being kidnapped and wearing more practical footwear.

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How to Train Your Dragon (2025) – Movie Review

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TL;DR – It earned Test Drive.

Rating: 4 out of 5.

Post-Credit Scene – There is a post-credit snippet.

Disclosure – I paid to watch this film.

Hiccup stands off against a dragon.

How to Train Your Dragon Review –

Well, if there was one film I was hesitant to see, it was this one. I adore the How to Train Your Dragon films; How to Train Your Dragon 3 is in our Top 10 Animated Films of All Time, though I think that list might need an update. So, I was not one of those people jumping for joy when it was announced that it was getting one of those dreaded live-action re-makes. I say that because they are mostly trash and rarely get even into the same ballpark as the originals. Well, I was shocked because I could not believe how quickly this film had entranced me.

So, to set the scene, in the great arctic north, there is a village called Berk. The people of the town were summoned from across the Viking lands for one reason: to find the Dragon’s nest and destroy it. They just have not had a lot of success on that front because even though it is an old town, every house is new. At night, the dragons attack to steal their livestock and burn down their village, and every time, the villagers fight back. However, within this highly competent town lives Hiccup (Mason Thames), the son of the village chief Stoick the Vast (Gerard Butler). Who wants to work smarter, not harder, but no one trusts him. But one night, as the village burned, Hiccup wheeled out one of his inventions and aimed it at a mysterious Night Fury, and for the first time in his life, he struck gold.

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Karate Kid: Legends – Movie Review

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TL;DR – Elevates what could have just been a very paint-by-numbers legacy film by filling it with joy, fun, and, importantly, compassion.

Rating: 4 out of 5.

Post-Credit Scene – There is more after the end title card.

Disclosure – I paid to watch this film.

Mr Han looks over sparing students.

Karate Kid: Legends Review –

One of the most prevalent shifts in media in the modern era has been the rise of the Legacy Film. This is when you take some old story, bring back the old cast, and then attempt to hand the franchise off to a new generation. Now, to be fair, sometimes they work really well, but other times they can be a complete mess. However, today, we are looking at a franchise that is trying this for the third time, which is both fascinating and a bit concerning if they can’t make it work.

So, to set the scene, Li Fong (Ben Wang) lives in Beijing and loves kung-fu. He is trained by his great-uncle, Mr Han (Jackie Chan), but mostly in secret because his mother, Dr Fong (Ming-Na Wen), does not want him fighting after the death of her eldest son. But Li often goes and trains in secret, well, what he thinks is secret. But it is time for a massive change for the Fong family as Dr Fong takes a job in New York. A fresh start for all. But the past has a habit of not staying in the past.

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Ballerina (From the World of John Wick: Ballerina) – Movie Review

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TL;DR – It is a perfectly serviceable film with some highlights, but it feels like it is starting to make the same mistakes that all the John Wick films are currently doing.

Rating: 3.5 out of 5.

Post-Credit Scene – There is no post-credit scene.

Disclosure – I paid to view this film.

Eve walks into a gun room.

Ballerina Review –

When I first watched John Wick back in 2014, I knew that I was watching something special, but I never knew the world we were going to find as things expanded. Well, we have had four films and one middling TV series. However, now it is time to branch out and see the other stories that exist in this vast world. Today’s entry is the first attempt to pull that off, and so it is time to see how well they made it work.  

So, to set the scene, Eve Macarro (Victoria Comte) was living with her father, Javier (David Castañeda), in a mansion by the sea. However, one night, evil comes from the water, and while her father fights valiantly, he is not able to save both of them. Thankfully, Eve has a guardian angel in Winston Scott (Ian McShane), who brought her to her family, the Ruska Roma, controlled by the Director (Anjelica Huston). Here, Eve is given a choice, and after many years of training, Eve (Ana de Armas) is now ready to enter the world and take revenge on those who crossed her.   

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Unit 234 The Lock Up – Movie Review

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TL;DR – It understands that when you cast Don Johnson, you give the man a monologue.

Rating: 3.5 out of 5.

Post-Credit Scene – There is no post-credit scene.

Disclosure – I was sent a screener of this film.

Warning – Contains scenes that may cause distress.

A truck pulls up to the storage lot at night.

Unit 234 The Lock Up Review –

One of the more interesting shades of drama out there is the surprise trapped. You are going about your day, and then all of a sudden, bam, through the machinations of others or nature, now you are fighting for your life. These are films that live and die on the believability of the scenario and how the characters respond to them. It is in that space we dabble tonight.

So, to set the scene, Laurie Saltair (Isabelle Fuhrman) works, well, is more stuck working for her family’s old storage unit facility. It is a job she inherited, but it is not great for her work/life balance. But what she doesn’t know is that her self-storage unit is about to be at the centre of some regrettable circumstances: a mighty storm is about to hit the coast of Florida, she just crushed her mobile phone in a fall, and some idiot stashed the one thing the wealthy and powerful construction tycoon Jules (Don Johnson) needs in one of her units. What could be in there that he wants so much, and why is there a warning alarm going off?

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The Phoenician Scheme – Movie Review

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TL;DR – Weird and wonderful in equal measure.

Rating: 4.5 out of 5.

Post-Credit Scene – There is no post-credit scene.

Disclosure – I was invited to a press screening of this film.

Zsa-zsa looks up at you from a bath.

The Phoenician Scheme Review –

Today, we are going to experience a touch of tonal whiplash when it comes to our film reviews. Because we are going from Fountain of Youth, where I could not tell was directed by Guy Ritchie as all his signature stull was sandblasted out of the film, and in the days since I am still wondering if he actually directed that film. But now we are hard cutting to the opposite side of that spectrum with the most stylistic director working in the field today. A man with a stylistic pallet that is oft copied but never replicated. I was first introduced to Wes Anderson’s work through Isle of Dogs and Asteroid City and was delighted by his reinterpretations of Roald Dahl’s short stories like Poison a couple of years ago. This means I came into this with somewhat high expectations, and I think they met them and more.  

So, to set the scene, in 1950, Zsa-zsa Korda (Benicio del Toro) is flying above the Balkin mountains when an explosion rips apart his plane, yet miraculously, he survives, for this is not the first assassination attempt on his life. He feels like his life work might get cut off by influential players seeking to ruin him and realises that his legacy is not going to be passed down to his ten other sons. Zsa-zsa calls upon his one and only daughter, Sister Liesl (Mia Threapleton), who is about to take her nun oaths. However, he offers her a deal, well, a trial run, at being his sole heir to his fortune, as long as he can fill in the gap in this funding that the shadowy powers just forced upon him. Oh, and stop all the many, many, many people trying to kill him.

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Mapping Fountain of Youth – Map-It

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TL;DR – Today, we map the journey of the crew in Fountain of Youth.

Mapping the Fountain of Youth –

I realised today, as I was watching today’s titular movie, that I had not made a map in a while. Sure, I have a couple that I am still working on that you should see soon, but a fresh map with a fresh source that has been a while. Now, if you have read our review of Fountain of Youth, you will know that we did not have a great time with the film. But that does not mean that there is nothing worth mapping.

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Fountain of Youth – Movie Review

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TL;DR – Dull.

Rating: 2 out of 5.

Post-Credit Scene – There is no post-credit scene.

Disclosure – I paid for the AppleTV+ service that viewed this film.

The Austrian Library.

Fountain of Youth Review –

There is a genre in the Action-Adventure that leans into hunting lost artefacts, which, of course, makes you think of Indiana Jones and National Treasure or more. I honestly love these films because they capture that childlike wonder when I was discovering the world and learning about history. So, when I heard that Guy Richie was going to take a stab at a film in this world with a fantastic cast, I was fundamentally excited to give it a watch. I probably should have reset my expectations.

So, to set the scene, we open in the streets of Bangkok as Luke Purdue (John Krasinski) needs to outmanoeuvre a local gang to escape with a painting. As he takes an emergency train ride to Chiang Mai and tries to get some rest, he is woken up by a business opportunity. Esme (Eiza González) gives Luke the ‘opportunity’ to go easily or difficultly. A fight/flirt on the train proceeds. Luke escapes and now has a mission in his life. He is going to need a team to pull it off: Murf (Laz Alonso), Deb (Carmen Ejogo), Owen Carver (Domhnall Gleeson), and his sister Charlotte (Natalie Portman), which he may or may not have just gotten into a lot of trouble with her boss, ex-husband, oh and also INTERPOL.    

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The Island (Haunted Heart/ Isla Perdida) – Movie Review

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TL;DR – Some films are greater than the sum of their parts, and then we have today’s entry that has all the right ingredients, yet, like me, every time I try to make bread, nothing rises from it.

Rating: 1.5 out of 5.

Post-Credit Scene – There is an end-credit scene.

Disclosure – I was invited to a press screening of this film.

The Island

The Island Review –

So, to set the scene, it is Greece in 2001, and people are making their way around the many Greek islands. One of those is Álex (Aida Folch), who is making her way to a secluded restaurant to be their new hostess. It is the kind of restaurant full of fresh flavours that you could feel were pulled right from the sea that surrounds you. But because she is late, the restaurant owner, Max (Matt Dillon), demotes her to server. It is her dream job, dream location, and the boss is quite fine, which is why she does not see all the warning signs everywhere.

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Space/Time – Movie Review

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TL;DR – A wildly ambitious film, which while it doesn’t always live up to the promise it makes, when it does land, it is wildly fascinating.

Rating: 3.5 out of 5.

Post-Credit Scene – There is no post-credit scene.

Disclosure – I paid to watch this film.

A plant sits in front of the machine about to make a portal.

Space/Time Review –

One of the things I like best about my job is when you find something that has taken a big swing to explore. Not content to play it safe, they reach for the sky and don’t care if they hit the Moon or not. I do love exploring that kind of creativity, even if it does not always pan out.

So, to set the scene, in the not-too-distant future, society is on the verge of collapse. Years of environmental degradation have taken their toll, and the biosphere might not hold up in the long run. It is in this space where scientists, like Holt (Hugh Parker), have been working on a secluded island to find ways to stave off the collapse. They tried to develop wormhole travel, but it backfired spectacularly, and many were killed. Liv (Ashlee Lollback) and Harris (Pacharo Mzembe) have tried to move on with their lives after the calamity. Still, when the opportunity to dabble in some illegal science comes up, Liv can’t help but dive back into a world that almost took her life last time.  

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