Touch Me – Movie Review

TL;DR – While this is a profoundly weird and visually interesting film, the subject matter almost became a walking red flag, undercutting any progress the film could make.

Rating: 1.5 out of 5.

Post-Credit Scene – There is no post-credit scene.

Disclosure – I was sent a screener of this film.

Warning – Contains scenes which may cause distress.

The four main cast illuminated in red light.

Touch Me Review Introduction

I will always prefer a film that takes risks rather than playing it safe, like having one man battle Hundreds of Beavers or piercing the veil of nostalgic memory through old videos in Aftersun. However, when you make a big swing at doing something profoundly odd, sometimes you miss, and I feel that is the sort of film we are looking at today.
 
So, to set the scene, we open with Joey (Olivia Taylor Dudley) engaging in some immersion therapy, recounting the story of the time she met and then ‘met’ an ‘alien’ called Brian (Lou Taylor Pucci). Joey has been trying to move on with her life, but she keeps getting brought back to that night, bringing with it many conflicting memories. But when her and her roommate Craig’s (Jordan Gavaris) house floods from a non-water plumbing issue and becomes uninhabitable, she has only one choice left, to go back to Brian.  

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Biker (బైకర్) – Movie Review

TL;DR – There is an interesting story here, if you are willing to sit through some of the more convoluted parts of the narrative.

Rating: 3 out of 5.

Post-Credit Scene – There is no post-credit scene.

Disclosure – I paid for the Netflix service to view this film.

Live to Ride, on the side of a motorbike.

Biker Review Introduction

It has been a while, but it is time to jump back into the world of Indian Cinema, with an interesting period sports film out of Tollywood. One of the things that I love about world cinema is seeing how different countries adapt themes that I have experienced in my local cinematic world. The differences and similarities, and it is that space that we work in today.

So, to set the scene, it’s 2003, in Hyderabad, India. Vikas “Vicky” Narayan (Sharwanand) is living with his wife Ananya (Malvika Nair) and son Ishaan (Shourya Chelemella). It is not a perfect life, as his son struggles in school, but it is one he loves. However, when the duplicitous Chairman of IGN, Indraneel Chirag (Atul Kulkarni), comes after Vicky’s estranged father Sunil Narayan (Rajasekhar/ P. Sai Kumar), Vicky must decide if he wants to save his father by jumping back into a world he had left behind: Motocross GP.  

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Michael – Movie Review

TL;DR – A complicated film about a complicated person that stops just short of having to draw any lines in the sand by creating an interesting framing device for its narrative.

Rating: 3 out of 5.

Post-Credit Scene – There is no post-credit scene.

Disclosure – I was invited to a press screening of this film.

Warning – Contains scenes which may cause distress.

Warning – Contains scenes with flashing lights.

The crowd cheers for Michael.

Michael Review Introduction

Ever since the onslaught that was Bohemian Rhapsody, the cinema space has been full of other musical biopics trying to recreate that lightning in a bottle, assuming you rate Bohemian Rhapsody highly in the first place. We had the fascinating Kneecap, the historically revisionist  The Greatest Showman, and the shameless Oscar grab of A Complete Unknown, to name a few. However, there are always new musicians out there ready for their musical biopic, and today’s entry takes us to the complicated world of Michael Jackson. Now, given this is a movie about a real person’s life, someone who lived not that long ago, we won’t be as stringent with spoilers in this review as we would for a fictional work.

So, to set the scene, throughout the history of 20th-century music, few people have had the same reach and popularity as Michael Jackson (Jaafar Jackson). Even as a child, Michael’s (Juliano Krue Valdi) talent was clear to anyone who could see or hear. But talent can be a gift, and it can be a burden. It can lift a family from obscurity into the lounge rooms of every house in America and the world, and it can also rip that family apart.

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Scrubs: Season 10 – TV Review

TL;DR – It found its charm at times, but whether it was the short episode order or the passage of time, I just came away feeling a bit hollow about it all.

Rating: 3.5 out of 5.

Disclosure – I paid for the Disney+ service that aired this episode.

The Hospital entrance.

Scrubs Review –

I came into the first episode of this new spin-off, My Return, with a touch of trepidation. Could a show like Scrubs find that same formula among the cast that worked for almost all its runtime? Can a show both reinvent itself for a modern audience without losing that pull of nostalgia and vibe that made it good in the first place? These are the questions I asked myself this season.  


So, to set the scene, it has been a long time since JD (Zach Braff) worked at Sacred Heart hospital [which was not torn down, I do not know how that rumour got started]. However, while he spends his days being a concierge doctor for the wealthy, it is not exactly a stimulating profession. But as fate would have it, today he is back at his old stomping grounds, because one of his patients got admitted. It is a place of joy with old friends, Turk (Donald Faison) and Carla (Judy Reyes), old mentors, Dr Cox (John C. McGinley), and more recent ex-wives, Elliot (Sarah Chalke). But when JD gets an offer he can’t refuse, his life is about to do a complete U-turn. Now, from here, we will be looking at the season, so there will be [SPOILERS] ahead.

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Pizza Film – Movie Review

TL;DR – A charming if debauched window into the world of American colleges.

Rating: 3.5 out of 5.

Disclosure – I paid for the Disney+ service to view this film.

Warning – Contains scenes which may cause distress.

Warning – Contains scenes with flashing lights.

A tin of M.I.N.T.S.

Pizza Film Review Introduction

Growing up on the internet at my age meant that at some moment, you came across BriTANicK’s work on YouTube, such as Academy Award Winning Movie Trailer. When you watch someone’s career grow over the years, it is a delight to see when it comes to fruition with their first major feature. Well, that has happened today, and I, of course, have to check it out.  

So, to set the scene, a long time in the past, a delinquent college freshman hid some drugs called M.I.N.T.S. in a slot in their ceiling. Years later, someone new lives in that room, Jack (Gaten Matarazzo), who is hated by the whole college thanks to an incident with the football team, and Montgomery (Sean Giambrone), a quiet, nervous kind of guy, trying to become an alpha. Well, after a particularly awful day, which leads to the drugs getting dislodged from the ceiling, the boys decide to give them a try, not realising you need to have them with food, or six terrible phases will follow. Now, they must make their way down two stories to get the pizza waiting in the lobby before the final phase kicks in, and their lives are destroyed forever. Just hope the RAs don’t pick tonight to start their purge of undesirables.  

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Misdirection – Movie Review

TL;DR – While it had a strong start, inconsistent dialogue and characterisation eventually led to me disconnecting from the narrative.

Rating: 2.5 out of 5.

Post-Credit Scene – There is no post-credit scene.

Disclosure – I was sent a screener of this film.

A scanner log on a screen.

Misdirection Review Introduction

In the world of cinema, there are these character actors who, when you see them pop up in a film, you know you are going to have a good time. Today, we get to look at a film that has not one but two of these gems in Olga Kurylenko and Frank Grillo, and get to see how they roll in a tight thriller.

So, to set the scene, we open as two dubious characters, Sara Black (Olga Kurylenko) & Jason Wright (Oliver Trevena), hack into the security system of philanthropist David Blume (Frank Grillo). This is their last heist, and they want to go out on a high note and finally pay off the debt that hangs over their head. They had the heist scheduled down to the minute, but what they didn’t plan on was their mark coming home early and catching them in the act.

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The Super Mario Galaxy Movie – Movie Review

TL;DR – I may have entered my curmudgeon phase, because while I could appreciate the stunning animation, the film completely disconnected from me on a foundational level.

Rating: 2.5 out of 5.

Post-Credit Scene – There is a mid- and post-credit scene.

Disclosure – I received a free ticket from the distributor to watch this film.

Shooting stars.

The Super Mario Galaxy Movie Review Introduction

Well, today I have a sort of unpleasant job to do. I have much love for Mario and the games that spawned from him. I also found the first The Super Mario Bros. Movie was fine, not great, but fine. But maybe I no longer have any joy in my heart because I walked out of this movie feeling nothing.   

So, to set the scene, deep in the galaxy, Princess Rosalina (Brie Larson) is giving her Lumas a bedtime story when her castle/spaceship/world is invaded by a mechanical creature driven by Bowser Jr. (Benny Safdie), who is on a mission of revenge for his father, Bowser (Jack Black). Meanwhile, Mario (Chris Pratt) and Luigi (Charlie Day) are living full-time in the Mushroom Kingdom, going around helping the locals, like finding a stuck Yoshi (Donald Glover). But when a meteor storm shows something is wrong in the galaxy, Princess Peach (Anya Taylor-Joy) and Toad (Keegan-Michael Key) go on an adventure through the stars.

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They Will Kill You – Movie Review

TL;DR – A taut action film, which has some of the most succinct worldbuilding in the business, in-between all the creative carnage chaotically clamouring betwixt cleaved clavicles.

Rating: 3.5 out of 5.

Post-Credit Scene – There is no post-credit scene.

Disclosure – I paid to watch this film.

Warning – Contains scenes which may cause distress.

Asia looks down an empty hallway.

They Will Kill You Review Introduction

Today, we look at a film that is a very odd juxtaposition of extremes. On one hand, this is one of the tightest, stylish action films I have seen in an age. On the other hand, it suffers from a repetitive nature that it can’t seem to escape. A lot of highs, some lows, and enough fake blood for a blue whale to swim through.  


So, to set the scene, Asia Reaves (Zazie Beetz) has had a troubled life and is haunted by a choice in her childhood when she ran and left her sister behind. Living in the margins, Asia takes a housekeeping job in the luxurious Virgil apartments. Here, Lilith Woodhouse (Patricia Arquette), the superintendent, shows Asia to her rooms, a place of safety from the storm outside. However, as she sleeps, a masked man enters her room through a secret entrance, armed for violence. For the Virgil is not just an apartment block for the rich; it is a Satanic Temple, and each year they must sacrifice one soul to their god, and tonight it is Asia on the chopping block.

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The Magic Faraway Tree – Movie Review

TL;DR – While the story has little depth, you can’t help but get caught up in the wonder of this fantastic world.

Rating: 3.5 out of 5.

Post-Credit Scene – There is a mid-credit scene, and an end-credit sting, but you don’t need to stay for the end.

Disclosure – I paid to watch this film.

The family coming over a rise.

The Magic Faraway Tree Review Introduction

Today, we look at a very peculiar film. In talking with people, it’s clear that the original Enid Blyton stories hold a special nostalgic place in many childhoods. I didn’t read it as a child, so I’m not coming into this film with those baked-in feelings. On the plus side, I don’t have those years of built-in wonder that could be devastated by changes in the story, but then I don’t have that connection built in, ready to engage that suspension of belief from the outset. That history is what frames my experience with the film today.   

So, to set the scene, Tim (Andrew Garfield) and Polly Thompson (Claire Foy) are trying to raise their family, Beth (Delilah Bennett-Cardy), Fran (Billie Gadsdon) & Joe (Phoenix Laroche), in a modern world that fosters disconnection. When Polly gets fired from her job, because she discovered her Fridge (Judi Dench) project was being used nefariously, the family comes to a crossroads. Taking a gamble, they dive into the wilderness of the English countryside, to the village of Netherbridge, to live out one of their dreams in their dream journal. The kids are not a fan of their new barn house, which does not have electricity, let alone wi-fi. But when Fran gets an invitation to visit the enchanted woods, which everyone says is dangerous, well, she can’t help but see what is there to discover.

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Frontier Crucible – Movie Review

TL;DR – While the scenery is delightful, not much more can be said to recommend this film.

Rating: 1.5 out of 5.

Post-Credit Scene – There is no post-credit scene.

Disclosure – I was sent a screener of this film.

Warning – Contains scenes which may cause distress.

Monument Valley.

Frontier Crucible Review Introduction –

Have you ever started a film and gotten an immediate odd vibe, wait, why isn’t there a credited writer … wait, they cast who in this film … in 2024 … oh, that not great. But it is so long since I have seen a good Western, I persisted. I am not sure I should have.  

So, to set the scene, in the Arizona Territory of 1872, A man alone by a campfire realises he is surrounded, and it soon becomes clear that they do not have friendly intent as blood is spilt. Two years later, Major O’Rourke (William H. Macy) is trying with Merrick Beckford (Myles Clohessy) to work out how to get much-needed medical supplies past the Apache to a town full of an epidemic. On that mission, he runs into Mule (Thomas Jane), an outlaw in disguise, whose luck ran out with some Apache people. Beckford takes mercy on them because they have a wounded man (Eli Brown) and his wife, Valerie (Mary Stickley). But he will regret this choice.        

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